A Scottish Storyteller

The Violent Teddy Bear

This is a true story that happened to a friend of mine. I'm sure he won't mind me putting it down in writing...

Well he'd had a night out in Edinburgh. A few hours and a few drinks later (this part I don't believe, it's much more likely to have been a few buckets) and he and his friends were in the Grassmarket making their way home.

Whereupon they come across a stag night. Not your average bunch of pissed-up chavs on their way out of some strip club though - no! These ones are dressed up - not in Burberry, but as cuddly fuzzy furry animals. Awwwww.

So my friend gets chatting to this elephant. Great idea for a stag night and all that. Bet you've been getting quite a reaction and all that. So the elephant takes his head off for a bit of a breather and a bit of a chat and my friend asks if he can try it on... He tries the said head on, capers about a bit, and is just handing the elephant it's head back when Blammm! He gets punched in the face! He is knocked to the ground!

There is a commotion... My friend's a bit stunned and his mates are helping him up from the ground. "What the #@$% happened!? Who the #@$% hit me!?" he says, not quite sure what's going on... Wanting to smack someone himself, "It was the teddy bear!"

Now imagine being a nurse/doctor on casualty a couple of days later when this guy comes in with a broken nose and a couple of black eyes. "What happened to you, then?" They ask. He miserably tells them "I got beaten up by a teddy bear."

Apparently he would have gotten his revenge if it hadn't been for the dalmation who looke like a right tough bastard...

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