A Scottish Storyteller

The Kipper Under The Table

This is one of my dad's stories which I love begging him to tell me!

This one goes back to the 50's/60's when Dad was joinering in Glasgow. His company provided accommodation complete with breakfast and dinner. However his landlady was a bit stingy and used to make them porridge sandwiches which was made from the porridge drawer.*

Now, this wasn’t too impressive considering as he was supposed to get the usual meat and veg type diet that joiners and yard workers should be entitled to… (I'm sure you've heard of the legendary scottish diet!) Also her wee dog was what my dad called "a yappy little bugger in need of a good kick" (Not that he would - he likes dogs, my dad does!)

There also seems to have been a bit of bad blood between the lodgers and the landlady (perhaps in addition to the porridge sandwiches and yappy dog) so when dad left the establishment, he nailed a kipper under the table!

A couple of years later, dad met an old mate of his that had lived in the digs with him. Apparently a few weeks/monts after he left, the landlady had, at great expense, had the “sanitary” in, digging up her drains, floorboards etc. in search of this terrible smell. The kipper had started to rot so much the nails couldn't hold it to the underside of the table any more... And the source of the smell wasn’t discovered until the wee yappy dug was found throwing it’s breakfast of rotting kipper up!

Revenge is indeed sweet!

*For those of you not knowing... or possibly not BELIEVING about "the porridge drawer," I will explain it...

What you'd do is make a great pot of porridge and then pour it into "the porridge drawer" which would be a wooden drawer, possibly near the cooker or in the kitchen table. The porridge would then be allowed to congeal (ewww!) and then dry out a bit (yuk!) until it was thick enough to be sliced up and then...! Used as a "delicious" sandwich filling.

Give me a pot noodle any time :P


1 Responses to “The Kipper Under The Table”

  1. # Anonymous Anonymous

    Ahhh, porridge from a drawer! I remember first seeing that in either The Broons or Oor Wullie. Mercifully I've never actually encountered it! --Ang  

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